The Story Of Their Life
by LassieLowrider
Summary: Earlier 'The Big Ass Tree'. This is now a collection of oneshots, all centered around either Valduggery or Ganith. If it offends you, then don't read it. T to be on the safe side.
1. The Big Ass Tree

**Was talking to Yoyya, and she mentioned something about a pink squirrel, and this happened. Blame her.**

**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. On a happier note, I've just ordered The Faceless Ones! YAY!!**

**Skul is very much human. Have been for a while now.**

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She stared. He stared back.

"Oh, look! A pink flying squirrel!"

As one, they turned to stare at the dark-haired woman sitting on one of the thickest branches of an old oak tree.

"She's your best friend." The dark-haired man stated.

"She's your _wife_." The blond woman countered.

"Your husband caused it!" The man was totally sure she wouldn't be able to counter that.

"Your case kept her up for an entire week." She could.

"Uhm... not to be rude or anything... but shouldn't we be focusing more on getting her down from the big ass tree instead of arguing over whose fault it is?" The heavily scarred man standing underneath the same big ass tree said.

The first man coloured slightly and went over. He looked at the tree, sighed and started to climb towards where his wife of nearly thirty years where sitting, singing 'I'm a little teapot', complete with movement. Before the brunette could do anything her husband tackled her of the branch, using his control over air to slow down their descend. Before they even touched ground, She was out like a light.

When he landed on his feet, he said in a deep, smooth tired voice " Finally. We've been hunting her over half of Ireland."

With that, the three awake began to walk towards the '54 Bentley Continental parked by another big ass tree.

That day, Ghastly Bespoke, Tanith Low-Bespoke and Skulduggery Pleasant made a Pact. A pact that revolved around 'Never ever give Valkyrie Cain-Pleasant chocolate, coffee, Red Bull or any other kind of sugar or caffeine again, especially not when she hasn't slept more than maybe five minutes in almost eight days.'

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**Yeah, I know. It's sucks, right?**


	2. Just In Time

**As of right now, this thing isn't planned: a totally surprising love-child, spawned by a new laptop, way too much coffee, withdrawal and a conversation with Lady-Alyss about the story she's beta-ing for me…**

**Don't own, all is the work of awesome (insane) Derek Landy.**

**Skul's human.**

* * *

'_Don't let go, dammit! Skulduggery is coming… whatever you do, don't let go!' _The dark-haired woman, looking to be around twenty, thought to herself while just barely hanging onto the ledge she'd just fallen over.

The sounds of a scuffle reached her, and she heard the smooth, deep voice of her fiancée. "Where is she?"

"That little slip of a girl the sanctuary sent to take care of me? Well, let me put it this way: there's a big, scarlet stain on the pavement by the north side of this building by now." the nasal voice of Amrak Karma said, sounding smug. The dull thud of the butt of his gun hitting the bastards head was heard, and then Skulduggery came rushing to the edge of the skyscraper she was hanging off.

It was pure luck he saw the paleness of her hand and heard the weak "Skul!" that she managed.

"Val! Thank god!" He said, rushing towards her. He bent down, grabbing her hand just as she lost the fragile grip she had."Don't worry, honey, I've got you."

He pulled her up, crushing her to his chest, picking her up when her knees buckled.

"I know you would come, I know you would save me." She mumbled, right before slipping into unconscious oblivion.

Skulduggery just hugged his fiancé closer to himself, slowly walking down the stairs, thanking God he was in time.

* * *

**Well? Whaddya think?**


	3. Scarred

It feels like I'm on a roll today. Wonder why?

Ghanith today, people! Hope you enjoy. And review.

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He hated them. The scars that covered his whole body, that so horribly _(so disgustingly, he would sneer)_ disfigured him, that he so wanted to hide.

She loved them. They showed her, that even though scarred, that the world can be kind, can be beautiful. They showed her, that outward appearances _(meant nothing, in the end, she mused)_ wasn't everything.

They showed her the truth _(strange though it was)_, and even though she had jaded eyes, she saw it. She could, even with a jaded heart _(encased in ice, that was slowly melting, melting with every word, every glance)_,believe in love, vulnerability and blind faith.

Because that's what she had. She was in love with him, she dared show him that she was vulnerable, and she had blind faith in him to keep it to himself_(he swore to himself that he would never break than confidence, never even tell Skul, not even his mother)_.

In the end, she convinced him. Convinced him that he wasn't ugly, convinced him to be proud of himself, because no matter what, Tanith Low would always and forever love _(and cherish the love of)_ Ghastly Bespoke.

* * *

**Well? What d'ya think?**


	4. Inflatable Castle AKA Bounce

**This came to me while reading Abeo Voldemort over at PatronusCharm. Great place.**

_Bounce._

_Bounce._

_Bounce._

To be honest, I wasn't watching her bounce as much as I was watching her jiggle. Oh, sure, call me a perv. You'd be one, too, if you suddenly got human and married to a very supple 60-looking-18-years old.

_Bounce._

_Bounce._

_Bounce._

"Oh, come on, honey! It's so nice and _bouncy_!" My wife called to me. I quirked an amused smirk her way, and told her " No way. I'm enjoying the view to much. If I too were bouncing, I wouldn't be able to do that as much… Of course, no matter how much I enjoy the view, I still have no idea how you managed to coerce me into buying that plastic death-trap… Nor how you got it placed in the bedroom."

My wife shrugged innocently. "Just another one of my superpowers. Being able to make people do things, that they aren't aware of!"

_Bounce - Jiggle._

_Bounce - Jiggle._

_Bounce - Jiggle._

Don't ask me how she did it, but somewhere along the way, she lost her shirt. Which only pronounced the jiggling bits more. Not that I was complaining.

_Bounce - Jiggle._

_Bounce - Jiggle._

_Bounce - Jiggle._

With an awkward-looking twist, she lost the skirt. Sitting before me, dressed in a small lacy scrap of material defined as a bra, and an even smaller, lacier scrap of material defined as panties, and sheer white panty-hose, my wife was still jiggling the slightest amount, and looking absolutely delectable.

_Bounce-jiggle-waggle._

_Bounce-jiggle-waggle._

_Bounce-jiggle-waggle._

When Valkyrie Pleasant nee Cain lost her bra, Skulduggery Pleasant pounced on her with a wicked-looking leer. This action caused much giggling, bouncing, jiggling, waggling and all other words one can use to describe what one does while in a inflatable Castle**.**

**So, tell me… Whaddya think?**


	5. The Difference

**Yes, brackets. Again. I simply couldn't resist. Kinda depressing, I think. Double drabble.**

**Still don't own.**

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Skulduggery Pleasant was _(for lack of a better word, of course!)_ brooding _(something he did rather often, really)_.

He was pondering Valkyrie Cain _(or more specifically the transition from Stephanie Edgley)_, another thing he did rather often.

Valkyrie Cain was a hardened _(Steph was innocent…)_, cold _(…warm…)_, elemental necromancer _(…and didn't even know the meaning of the word 'Necromancer')_.

Valkyrie Cain was a _(Stephanie Edgley was a) _fully grown woman _(little girl) _that regretted nothing _(that never had done anything worse than sneak an extra cookie before dinner) _and used any means available _( and whose first and foremost weapon was puppy dog eyes)_ to not get caught _( used to get out of trouble)_.

Valkyrie Cain was a _(Stephanie Edgley was a)_ full-fledged _(upstart) _necromancer _(elemental)_ with some affinity for _(with only disgust and poorly veiled hatred for) _the elemental arts _(necromancy)_.

And yet, Skulduggery Pleasant couldn't help but like _(love) _Valkyrie Cain more than _(he ever loved)_ Stephanie Edgley _(rough edges and all)_.

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**Yeah, that one was short. **


End file.
